god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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