I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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