BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
