I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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