So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
