so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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