either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
