Already got asked if we're dating
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
