It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
