I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
