After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
