If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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