I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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