I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
