i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
