when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
And then he peed in my hair
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