Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
