i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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