return my video game
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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