Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize