i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
