You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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