lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
