the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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