he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
