Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
