i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
