Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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