Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
