i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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