Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
