What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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