I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
