But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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