You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
