Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
