He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
