If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
