dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize