Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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