I CAN MOONWALK!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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