i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
