My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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