It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
