when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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