I just saw a hot homeless man
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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