Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
