Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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