My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
