i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
