I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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