so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
