Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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