singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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