new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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