When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
