Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
