So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
