She is in my trunk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
