did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm both gender and math confused
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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