I wish life had little blips of pornography
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
