I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
