That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
