I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
