You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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