elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
