3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
