btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was born a porn star she said
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
