the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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