I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
