It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
