Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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