my sisters under your porch take her home
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
