that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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