Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
