I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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