she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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