ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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