i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
