oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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