yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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