PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize