apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
