my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
His nipple licking is glorious
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