I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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