if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
