I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize