I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
