You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drunk is not a location!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
