Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
