So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
