I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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