Only a mothe r could love this liver
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
