you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
