That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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