I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
