Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
