I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
