I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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