Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In other news, I just burned my penis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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